An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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