Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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