she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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