no you cant smoke seaweed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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