I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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