Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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