you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We need to get me chipped asap
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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