Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
