so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
