His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
