Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
