Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
