I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were destined to go to rehab together
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
