I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He better not be in your backpack
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
