I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
