my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
