Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
kristin has been a bad kristin
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
