He uses pillows to masturbate.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
