We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize