Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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