i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
