my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
