yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I love you.
Bad choice
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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