Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
