its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
