I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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