I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
