I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
