Sry I called you an 8
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
