he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
