Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
