my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
