So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
