Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
