oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
