We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
