omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
