Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize