i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
