I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
