I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
