If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
