I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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