I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
