I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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