This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
