i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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