Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
