You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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