Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
