News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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