I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
