her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
