I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize