The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
