I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
