I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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