I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
