I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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