Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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