So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
