I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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