I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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