Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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