i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
