the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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